A year changes you a lot and in every situation you will learn a lot of things. In every testings, you either pass it with flying colours or fail it badly. In my case, it took me quite some time to fully understand and accept that there are things that are way out of my hand. I am a believer of when you work hard for things you want, you will really have it. But, this year it taught me a lesson I’ll forever remember for the rest of my life. ‘Twas by far, the toughest year. I started building my world on people, my happiness and worth. I can’t deny that I was in constant battle with depression due to a life-changing mistake I did in the past. I didn’t even notice that little by little I was changing. What I feel, what I want are also affected. The dreams, the future are I solely believed in are now slowly turning into doubts. My body, my soul and spirit are really in a bad shape. I was in a bad shape and I kept on denying these things. I spent my days looking for happiness in momentary events. And, I wasn’t aware that I’ve become fully dependent on it. My world was turning around the kingdoms I’ve built. Later on, the kingdoms were slowly collapsing. One by one, they were taken away from me. First, my “no sweat at all, making good freaking money kinda job”. Second, “music teacher of an elite popular school label”. Third, “so good to be true relationship”. In a snap of a finger, everything was gone. And, believe me I did everything on my powers so that I will not lose it. But I think when heaven decides, you can’t do anything about it then. Now, it is a matter of accepting things. It took me a lot of going back and fourths, I got tired and eventually gave up. You can’t really wrestle with God because that is not what He wants.
Transition begins when you learn to recognize and accept things. You can’t fully transition into something new without accepting that you need to let go and move on. Apprehensions are present because you were used to where you are before. You seem to figure out what’s ahead of you because you surely know what you want. But, when you came into a point in your life that your cup is empty. You wouldn’t know, you never know. This is where your faith is being tested. It is where you decide whether you realize the reality of God in your life. Running away never helps, it is like going against a strong current of water opposite your direction. LET GO and MOVE ON. LET GO and LET GOD.
Transitions usually are never easy, it is hard. It is always uncertain and risky. But, when you got nothing left and the only option is to go hardcore, why not? Dream, take risk until you can finally say I’m living the dream.
Going to Amsterdam, Netherlands was my 1st international flight, it is my 1st time to be far away from home. I am not really sure what will happen here, what is next for me and what steps I should take. But, I am confident that the Lord will lead me into something great. This wouldn’t be possible if it is not His will. I prayed hard for this before I took the opportunity. I am a strong woman with a strong will and I must say I’m in a motion of not knowing whether I am scared or not. I did take the risk and I’m finally living the dream. But, it is just the beginning. Cheers for more adventure and pray for me.