‘Twas an amazing dawn of 2017. I was able to witness a blast of colours in the sky with my friends. It was a breathtaking experience for me and it surely marked day 1 of 365. The feeling of celebrating New Year’s Eve at the other side of the world with people you barely even know and you resort to be as your new family is really outside my comfort zone. I wore layers of clothes, holding a glass of champagne while we see the fireworks goes off in the air. It is something I didn’t even imagine I would experience, it is really different from what I am used to. I can’t really put into words what I feel, I surely had fun. Momentary fun and I must say I enjoyed the show but as I zoom out and see the bigger picture of where I was in. It is bizarre, I am completely blown away by the idea of one Asian girl at the age of 23 far away from home. Not even a single idea of what she’s going to do, everything is really a blur. There is this dream but the steps in achieving it is surely unknown. As I’ve said “When your cup is empty and the only option is to go hardcore, why not?”. I did take the risk and believing that I’ll soon live the dream. But, this is what I wanted. I’ve always dreamed of having a fresh start, a new start. A clean slate, no one ever know about my identity, of who I was and what I am capable of doing. And now I am here…
Day 1 of 365:
Kath and me woke up by 12:30 noon, ate our lunch and went straight back to my bedroom. Watched Netflix, ate Doritos and chocolates. It was a pretty chill January 1 for us. It wasn’t grand nor adventurous but it was what we needed. A cozy bed in pyjamas and not caring about anything. Not intimidated with how we will look like, but just rolling in bed comfortably. By 6:30pm I bid goodbye to my friend and now I am on my laptop blogging, listening to music, checking notifications on Facebook, chatting a few friends and sort of thinking how to make my 2017 awesome as fudge. So the following points are things I’ve learned in 2016 in order to move forward in 2017.
- Pain is inevitable. You will always experience it every once in a while, may it be in a smaller or bigger scale. It will always be present, may it be physically or emotionally. But, the key in handling it or how to get over it is gladly accepting it. Acknowledging that pain is present, not denying the fact that something is hurting. In that way, you’ll address it right away. There are no shortcuts in healing, it is a process you need to go through to understand, to realize and to make it go away. Don’t be stupid like me, running around circles because I want to prove that I am okay, that it doesn’t bother me and I still live a perfect fucking life. Sometimes, it is okay not to be okay. You also need to be honest about what you feel and when you need a break. It is okay to cry in the middle of the night, it is okay to soak your pillows in tears and lie down at the floor of your bathroom at dawn crying and thinking where it went wrong. You are not God, it is okay if you don’t figure it all out. It is okay if you fucked up, it is okay if you are in pain, if you are not in a perfect shape, if you are lonely, if you are depress. It is okay! It doesn’t mean that you are less, it doesn’t mean that because you are a psycho dysfunctional human error here on earth. No one loves you and they don’t freaking care. It is okay! We all have our ups and downs, no one is perfect. So, don’t hurt yourself by being too hard. Yes, we commit mistakes but it is already done. There is no point in freaking out and blaming yourself or pointing your fingers ’cause it is done. Acknowledge, accept it gladly and move forward. What’s done is done.
- Just a Bad Day not a Bad Life. We tend to generalize things, situations and emotions. Not because you had bad days it means something is wrong with you and how you lived your life. No, no, no, no, a big no! Sometimes there are things that are way out of our hand. I’ve mentioned it a couple of times in my previous topics and I’m putting emphasis on it because that’s just the way it is. Just breathe on it, inhale and exhale. Tomorrow it will be fine, it will be okay. Not because you lose your job, it means you are incompetent. Maybe, God has better plans for you because you are over-qualified for that kind of job. It is never entirely your fault when your relationship failed, maybe it was meant to happen because God has someone better for you. Your worth is not how people define you, it is how you see yourself. Just because they don’t like you or can’t love you back even if you’ve given your 101% means something is missing, doing something wrong or something is wrong with you. Sometimes, people don’t see how precious you are, that you are gem until they lose you. Nothing is wrong with you, sometimes people are just unusual at certain times. The things that happened, may it be good or bad has its purpose. Again, just a bad day not a bad life. There is so much to be thankful for and waking up is one of those reasons.
- Beauty in All Forms. Every human being with stories to tell are beautiful creatures. May it be sad, hilarious, amazing, miraculous and breathtaking stories. It doesn’t matter. Beauty isn’t really something on the outside, it is really what is on the inside. The long lasting beauty which comes in all forms of stories, experiences, ups and downs of life and how it made a person stronger, fiercer and morale. That’s what makes a person beautiful. How their experiences shaped them to be who they are right now. May they be hurting or some sort of a psychopath kind of person. There is still something beautiful in them. People nowadays think that being beautiful on the outside matters, well, somehow it does but we are no immortal. We age, we will have grey hairs and wrinkles. It will be written all over our face that we are old. The generation of today is so focus on looking good on the outside rather than looking good, feeling good on the inside. Colour, age, nationality, talent, skills and IQ is never a basis of beauty. Beauty is who you are, your story and how you live your life with such grace, hope and love in times of chaos. Beauty is you! Never get intimidated with girls who are chased by tons of guys because they are pretty as fudge, or girls who are freaking crazy about guys who has sense of fashion and sort of swag as what they call nowadays. People who are like that only wants that pretty and handsome face. It is not really about the person, it is not really about who they are. Don’t fall for that. Cheap girls and guys can’t afford you. Be glad you are not being chased, ’cause you are expensive. You are a diamond and they are going after silver. (winked) Your hurts, your clumsiness, your scars, your past, your imperfect life and the totality of you is a beauty. Every negative things about you or your past is beauty, how you overcome and lived on with your life despite every awful things that happened in your life is beauty. Someone sees it, he/she would think that you are the most imperfect perfect beautiful, beyond description they have ever seen or met in their entire life. And, you don’t have to worry about anything because they will love you no matter what. They will embrace the totality of you as a person. It will come along, don’t try so hard for it.
This year would be a year of redemption for you and for me. It would be a year of breakthrough in your life and in my life. If everything didn’t go so well last year then this year it would be. Hope for the better and do great. Everything I’ve learned last year is something I can really worked on 2017. As I’ve said “Never lose hope in loving people, forgive and move on”. You can never go wrong in love, you never did lose when you have given so much for love because it’ll come back. May it not be in a way that you wanted it to be but it will. Pains, hurts they will be there. Bad days you will have some of it surely on 2017 but it is not a bad life, just a bad day. When you’ve acknowledge and fully accepted how strange things worked then you’ll know how to rock and roll on 2017. It is really self-empowerment, putting your confidence back and rebuilding your life. Cheers! Looking forward for a purposeful and fruitful year. Happy New Year! 🙂