Duplicity 

01.12.17

A lachrymose page of my 365 days. I must admit I didn’t see it coming. Not in my wildest dream did I ever want to be in this position. Where you don’t know what the real score is, like you know the definition really but you don’t know the term, you how it is, the process but you don’t know the theory or how it is called. I’m not really sure if you all can relate to this. I’m sort of writing it down to have an outlet, to avoid outburst of emotions.

So here it is:

Have you ever come to a point where you didn’t expect you’ll fall for it, like you thought you have everything under control. Yeah, you saw the signs that it would not be good for you, a thousand of warning signs beeping as you pass by but you chose to ignore. Because, you love the feeling of it. Someone wanting you, someone making you feel special, someone saying you matter. It is all duplicity! And you say, you have finally moved on? No, you are still in the loop of moving on and what is bad is that you made it worse.

When you are not in a perfect shape as a runner, you don’t compete or else you’re going to get hurt and that will badly influence your whole entire running career. It is the same with the conditions of our hearts and our being. If you are wrecked and damaged, you should discipline yourself and have self-control. The urge of being wanted, of having someone who appreciates you, who send you cute messages in the morning making you feel sort VIP. Yeah, I get it. But, we all go through that stage, missing the feeling of being wanted, pursued and love. It is part of moving on. You need to get used to the fact that you are single and all the love you need is from Jesus. Get used to the fact that you are doing everything now on your own and everything you had before with that someone is gone. Don’t be a complete idiot by falling for someone whose regularly there for you. That is a trap! A booby trap that could prolong the agony of moving on. You are vulnerable and you could completely misunderstand people showing you kindness, saying all the right words to make you feel that you are worth it. Especially, when it is the opposite sex. It is never a healthy option to go right away into a relationship when you know for yourself that you are not okay. It is like walking to your own death. You will only torture yourself and at the end of it, you will feel broken as ever. Broken as you did before. Again, “prolonging the agony of moving on”. 

Be strong enough to handle your emotions, wag puro puso bes. Samahan mo naman ng utak. Gamitin mo yung utak mo para naman di ka na masaktan ulit. 

If you are in the process of moving on and fixing yourself. Do it because you are doing it for yourself. Don’t do it because somebody’s making you feel special. It is duplicity, again a great deception leading you to entirely loosing yourself. 

Be courageous, it’ll soon end. It’ll pass. Don’t be in a rush. Fix your eyes on Jesus, He will do the rest for you. His love is more than enough, it is all you need. You don’t need a man to make you feel like you are worth it and special. Because, Jesus Christ died for you and I think that what makes us special. Who are we that God the father would send His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins? Isn’t that enough proof that you matter, that you are no joke, that you are precious. Be blessed! 

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