To That Girl 10 Years Ago

‘Twas tough but you didn’t seem to care. You were confronted by awful reality of life and you cry but tomorrow you get over it like nothing happened. You wake up, worrying about nothing. You eat what is prepared for you, watch television and play at your heart’s content. It was always about having fun, winning a game and eating when you are hungry. Isn’t it odd that I used to say to you I want to grow old faster and now that I am growing old I wish I was you. I miss you. I wish I could go back and experience how it is to be carefree, to be reckless in playing and all I get are bruises, few scratches and not a broken heart.

Adult life is dreary at times. I think it is because you understand more and the things you used to ignore are now delineate in adulthood. When you used to overthink before ’twas because you were daydreaming, or thinking what powers to possess to make play time even better. You don’t stay up late overthinking about a matter, you stay up late because of playing and watching your favorite cartoon characters. And, here I am wishing I was you in all possible reasonings. Ludicrous how you wanted so bad to finish your studies to have freedom when you’ve had it all along. Freedom isn’t by doing all the things you wanted in life nor to be able to do anything without restrictions. I get you but I’ve came across the deeper meaning of freedom itself. I guess this is one of the perks of adult life knowing better, judgements are reliable than ever but it is just that your ways are simple and less complicated or not complicated at all. You are carefree, you are happy, you cry a lot but “hell ya, you smile and giggle most of the time or all of the time”. It was plain and simple back then even when the world was turning upside down or crashing down for some people. You remained calm, it doesn’t bother you and what concerns you is if you are going to get a treat from your Mom in Jollibee. It gave you an undescribable smile when she says you are going out for cinema and eat out. But, now it isn’t enough. It is more complex than that. 

Happiness comes with a price, it is intricate. Can you imagine my dilemma? I think you wouldn’t know and I doubt if you would understand. The sophistication of a dreadful adulthood. How I hope I can run away from the reality of it, have a taste of your blissfully suite life. Can you atleast spare me that strong-willed outlook kinda attitude towards the world? Can you atleast sprinkle me with wild imagination of doing the right things? So that, it wouldn’t be such a burden, it wouldn’t be so freaking difficult to get through adulthood and demands of life. 

To that girl 10 years ago, I miss you. I miss the old me. I hope I could undo all the things that makes me sort of a monster, the ugly side of me. But, as what they’ve said “No regrets, just lesson”. It is still part of growing up but I hope I didn’t outgrew childhood. Ik mis je oud Anne. 

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